- “Eat” the damn Play-doh cookies.
- Slurp the invisible soup.
- Pretend that they’re not causing grievous bodily harm as they “brush” your hair.
- Always be serious when asked what you’d like for dinner, and never say something silly like rabbit soup. Because they will go get their stuffed one off the bed, put it in your best pot, and fill said pot with water. Then place it on your desk.
- Greet their make believe friends and ask how their day was.
- Always kiss the teddy bear goodnight. It has feelings too.
- Always pretend to die when they shoot you.
- If you are having a fake war with them and you shoot them and they say they can’t die because they are invincible, you don’t shoot them again, because they are invincible.
- Yes, their drawing does look like a butterfly, not a bunch of jumbled up lines.
- Them pounding on the piano is the best thing you have ever heard.
I fucking hate kids. Fuck this bullshit.
(via hero-in-training)
I see the eyes of heaven everynight before I sleep
So I’m only reblogging this so you’ll maybe read that I don’t know how long you waited to unblock me, but I kind of dumped my soul all over Twitter, in the case you didn’t read that beforehand. I feel really dead inside, now.
(via b-eauty-and-terror)
This is actually legit omg
i know where im moving to now
its no wonder sarah palin got the job lmfao
I actually looked it up myself, holy shit. Actual people lost the election to this cat. This cat is a mayor.
(via philosolapis)
Remember when Ryan Seacrest tried to high-five a blind guy?
(via philosolapis)
- Microsoft: Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Usher!
- Sony: Here's some games I guess? Also please buy our Move... Please... Someone buy the Move...
- Ubisoft: We got zombies and hopefully you got hype about that one game?
- Nintendo: GAMES.
- Nintendo: GAAAAAAMES.
- Nintendo: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMES
- (Reggie's mouth opens far wider than a human's should and he begins shooting Wii Us out of his gaping maw. Members of the audience scramble to gather them up. He tears open his shirt, revealing a cannon embedded into his chest that fires game after game after game.)
